Weddings. Where a man and a woman vow to be each other's forever, in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, in happiness and in sadness, in life and in death... That line seems like it came out of a Christian wedding movie. Well.. This is awkward. Anyway, wedding, who doesn't love them? Meeting people after a long time, hiding from people you hate, the dances, the food, the songs, just the basic environment of a wedding.
I recently attended a wedding of the daughter of mum's friend. And well, I felt obliged to write about it. Because so much happened in it, that it just had to be shared. So here are some of the noticeable things. I wonder if you people notice them too.
1. The Hunger Games - when the call for dinner is given, people rush to the tables as if they have not eaten for weeks, they forget all formalities and pile up their plates with food like there's no tomorrow. Some of them even manage to put more food on the plate than the plate itself can bear. There are literally mountains made on plates, literally. Why do people have to be so greedy on weddings, I ask you? Why is it that they can not take second helpings, they can not wait for the person in front of them to put food on his plate? People are pushing each other and fighting over who gets the taang ki boti and who gets the thigh, and who gets the boneless boti. It's quite fun to watch - from a safe distance though. You wouldn't want to spill all that food on your clothes.
2. The formal, awkward small talk - when some relatives or friends or acquaintance are meeting after a long time for no apparent reason, there is always that awkward hi or salam that they do, which leads to an even more awkward conversation. It's hilarious to see how uncomfortable people get, trying to impress the other person, or attempting to get them to envy their own lifestyle with stuff like 'Oh I was going to get eggs in my BMW...' Or something along the lines of 'boys have lined themselves outside my house to get my daughter's hand in marriage.. It's such a tiresome phase..'
3. The Dances - yes we Ahmadis do not have dances at our shaadis, but the other weddings we attend, do!! The couple dances, the synchronised, amazingly timed dances. Yes, they are fun to watch, okay? So there was this one shaadi I went to, where there was a couple dance coming up. It was pretty well choreographed and the chemistry between the girl and the guy was amazing. Turned out, the girl and the guy were siblings. Why, why would they even thing of doing a romantic, couple dance? It makes me shudder when I think about it even after all these years.
4. The Rishta Aunties - ever ready at every shaadi to check out every girl, weigh out her pros and cons and select her as the bride for the 'chand sa beta'. Some of them even send a rishta on the spot saying they have to 'go abroad and they want their son settled before they go'. Then there are some aunties who literally go to a girl and ask her her age. Then if that girl is too young, they ask her whether she has an elder sister or not. Most of the girls that the rishta aunties fall for usually end up being married. Time for plan B now. Ask for their younger sisters!!
5. The Girls who think its their shaadi - yes readers, these girls exist. They'll be asking all camera men/women and all photographers to turn the camera towards them, and take pictures of them making duck faces. Never mind that it's not their wedding. Never mind that they're not really even close cousins. But no, they need to have like a gazillion pictures of themselves so that the whole world should know how beautiful they look with their eyes about to pop out of their heads, and making fishy faces.
6. The Gossip - last, but not the least, the gossip and the comments on how people have dressed up. Something like...
'Oh my, did you see what she was wearing? And oh, that lipstick so does not go with suit. Call the fashion police. '
'Do you see how they're looking at each other? I'm sure they have an affair. They'll break up and then no one will want to marry the girl. '
'Look at how confident she is. Our society is never going to accept a girl as bold as she is. '
'Oh, her hair. I'm sure it wasn't that long and pretty before. She must have gotten extensions. Her family is filthy rich. I should totally ask for her hand in marriage. '
Yes, these things do happen in your average Pakistani wedding. This is why they're such an entertainment. Next time you get invited to a desi wedding, be sure to go instead lf sitting at home. You'll certainly have the time of your life, I assure you that.
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