Women, time to stand up for your own self

Every day, I read articles about cheating husbands, abusive boyfriends, men who mock and jeer at women they’re involved with. Every day, I hear women hating on men and complaining about the independence they have never gotten from their significant others. Every day, I listen to the same whining over and over and over again. And it got me thinking.

Have these women ever tried to save themselves?

Why must all women depend on men? What is with this norm in our society that has led all women, or most of them anyway, to believe they cannot possibly survive without a man in their life? Why can women not believe they alone are enough for themselves, that they can educate themselves, get a job, work, and support themselves? Why do these women want everything handed out to them on a silver platter? That if, God forbid, they are divorced or separated from the husbands and have children to support, they don’t need their ex-husband to support them; they can pretty much do it on their own by working. Why this dependency on men, why this belief that without a man, a woman is nothing?

I completely disagree with the concept that a women always needs a man in her life in order to live it happily. She can do it quite well on her own, she just needs to know that. Abusive and cheating men should be punished, and they should be bashed for treating women in demeaning ways. They should even be ostracised from the society. But, on the other hand, why should women wait for someone to save them? If they are in an abusive relationship, why can’t they be strong and get out of it, no matter how difficult it seems? It’s not easy to get out of a relationship, much less a marriage, but why not take some action to take control of one’s life instead of complaining to the whole world about how badly their husbands have treated them? Would the readers be able to save you? Would they be able to do anything except to pray for you? Would they be able to save you from the hurt and pain? No. Only you can help yourself. Only you can save your mind and soul.

The problem with our society is that a lot of mothers teach their daughters right from the beginning that they need a man, and encourage them to fantasize about marriage all the time, so they have absolutely no aim in life other than that. Then, when, in rare cases (which are increasingly becoming frequent), the marriage backfires with men cheating and abusing and beating and lying and betraying, they do not want to give up the marriage because they have been brought up to believe that the ending of a marriage is, in fact, the ending of a women’s life, socially, mentally, maybe even physically.  

There are several women who have been beaten with sticks and thrown acid on, and they still choose to stay with their husbands. When asked why, they say “The beating of a man is also a sign of his love. It’s when he stops beating me that I get worried." What can you say to someone who thinks like this? How can you possibly save someone who doesn't even want to save their own self? 

But on the other hand, those women also exist who have stood up for their own rights. Women who have been strong enough to separate or divorce themselves and their children from abusive husbands. Women who have been courageous enough to leave a husband who has cheated on them. Women who have stood up to men who have done nothing but insult them. Brave women. Valiant women. Fearless women.

It's high time us women started thinking about our own selves for once, instead of thinking about what the society thinks. It's about time for us to take some action, to take control of our own lives and to let no one dominate it. It's about time we stood up to men who have cheated on us and abused us, verbally and physically. It's about time we saved ourselves instead of waiting for a superhero. It's time.

                                                                                                                         

Guest Post - Why is the right of woman to cover themselves so controversial?

Can you imagine being made to feel like you do not belong? Can you imagine being made to feel that you are inferior because of a piece of clothing? That your ideals are wrong if they are different from the norm? This is something that people faces even today. With time, our society is becoming more and more judgemental and narrow minded. Today, we see various campaigns trying to promote and diversity, trying to make people feel comfortable in their own skin. But the moment a a yellow flower appears in the midst of red roses, it is plucked out. We are indeed promoting diversity but only vocally, the truth is that tolerance for difference of opinion is scarce. Everyone wishes to be different but is not ready to accept the individuality of others. 

Recently, a controversy commenced in Canada regarding the hijab that Muslim women wear. A few days back a Quebec judge refused to hear a Muslims womans case only because she was wearing a head scarf. In her defense, the judge recited Article 13 of the regulations of the Court of Quebec. That article states: "Any person appearing before the court must be suitably dressed," so, leaving it to the discretion of the presiding judge. What this article does is send a message to the people that if a judge decided to discriminate against a certain person then he or she has the right to do so. Basically, the law in this case gives the judge a free hand. This can backfire easily, like it did in this case. Canada is known for its peaceful and tolerant environment, and indeed it is so but here a person of the law tried to abuse their power, while in reality it was not abuse at all. It was actually approved by law.

This sends us a dangerous message. A message that courts can now openly condone discrimination while using the excuse of secularism. The irony is that the first and foremost reason why the hijab is worn by Muslim women is so that they are not subjected to superficial discernment and are not judged by their attire and outward appearances but are rather judged by their character and views. Alas, the western world has objectified Muslim women by reducing them to the garment they choose to wear. It is sad but the fact is that liberals are liberal when it comes to their own use.  If it clashes with their own ideals then even the liberals back off.

We have reached the 21st century but the debate over a woman's clothing is still going on. What's mind boggling is that society accept women with revealing and minimal clothes, but if she decided to cover herself up then it must be condemned. Why is it so unfathomable to imagine that a woman might not feel comfortable in exposing herself to the world? What we do not realize is that revealing and minimal clothes are accepted because man feeds off of them while covered clothes are looked down upon because they do not flaunt a woman's beauty enough to pleasure a passerby's eyes.

The thing is, no matter what a woman decided to wear, it is her choice. It is absurd to think that if she decided to cover herself then she must have been forced. While no one considers the fact that maybe she was forced to reveal herself by wearing mini skirts or shorts by her family. Yes, Islam does ask its followers to cover themselves and practice simplicity, but why is Islam always targeted? Why doesn't anyone question why the nuns cover themselves? A Muslim woman can be asked to take off her head scarf, which to her is not only a garment but a safety blanket while a nun will be respected because of her veil. 

In my experience, mostly people appreciate and respect women who wear a head scarf. I have never been targeted because of my veil but to think that in a part of the world, the act of a woman choosing to cover herself is banned is ludicrous. Today, almost every nation speaks of gender equality and diversity. Then why was the ban of the headscarf in France not condemned enough? Isn't it atrocious to ban a person from following their beliefs? Beliefs that are not hurting or proving to be injurious to anyone. On what basis can you ask a woman or even a man to leave their beliefs? On what grounds can you ask them to stop following the teachings of their religion when they are not hurting anyone? The result is that Muslims and other minorities are being made to feel like second or third-class citizens in their own homes.

The positive outcome from the case in Canada is that many people have condemned this discrimination. There is no logic on banning a piece of clothing other than to impose your will on another person, 'live and let live.' The point is not just about a Muslim woman. It is about diversity. A diverse nature and people make our surroundings beautiful and it is the responsibility of those in power to ensure equality and tolerance, only that will make us a more tolerable and open society.

This post is written by Sana Ahmad who tweets at @sanaahmad95

Hate and Discriminate - The Words of the Day

Walk over to someone on the street. Anyone. Choose at random. Tell them women deserve to be equal to men. Watch their happy, smiling face slowly transform into a devilish face, full of fury and rage. Watch them tell you through gritted teeth that women can never be equal to men, that their job is to stay home, do household chores and be a baby-making machine. Watch them yell furiously about how your theory is idiotic and stupid. Watch them seethe in rage. And walk away.

Go to another person on the street, specifically a person who has a beard and is wearing shalwar kameez. Tell them everyone who says they are a Muslim, are. Even the Shias and the Ahmadis. Watch them spit on the ground at your theory. Watch them then laugh in your face for how delusional you are. Watch them call you a Kafir for even thinking that way. Watch them say Shias and Ahmadis are Wajib-ul-Qatal. Then walk away.

Go to yet another person on the street. A well-to-do man, this time. You’ll notice by the way he walks, and his suit will speak volumes of his money, anyway. Go up to him and tell him that he and his servant should be treated equally. They are both humans, they are both the descendants of Hazrat Adam, therefore, they are equal. Watch him turn red in rage. Watch him shout at you for telling him such foolish stuff. Watch him tell you how much he earns and how less of it is given to his servant. Watch him tell you that servants are to be treated as lesser human beings. Watch him. Then smile at him and walk away.  

Now, walk up to a female, a very materialistic one, which will be obvious by her attire and her strut. Tell her you know she uses her charms to get ahead in line for payment of a utility bill, or for any kind of work she needs done. Watch her open her mouth in horror. Watch her tell you of your audacity to say that even though she knows it’s true. Watch her flip her hair and tell you you’re not important enough to be talking to her anyway, because she believes she is a celebrity. Smirk, and walk away.

Now, sit down and think. Why did everyone get so riled up when they were compared to people of the other gender, religions and color? Why were they furious at the whole point of equality? What could you possibly have said that made them so angry as to end up insulting you but not accepting the idea of living peacefully and harmoniously?

The answer is hate. The answer is discrimination. The two words that everyone lives by. On the outside, everyone will admit openly that they have never hated anyone and that they have never discriminated against anyone. However, deep inside, they all do. Sorry, scratch that. WE all do. Because that’s how 95% of Pakistan has been brought up. To hate anyone who is different. To detest anyone who talks about living harmoniously. To shout and yell at anyone who talks about being equals with people we consider as lesser human beings.

The concept of living in peace and equality only seems perfect while it’s written on paper; in actual implementation, it seems quite difficult. It’s difficult to make a servant, who you’ve been abusing and scolding and torturing over the tenure of his service, feel as if he is your equal. It’s difficult for most men to believe women should educate themselves and go work. Likewise, it’s difficult for women to believe that not all men are out there to discriminate, insult, abuse, torture, rape, kidnap, or kill them. It’s difficult for a religious extremist to believe that people who he has been calling an infidel for the better part of his life, might just be Muslims. Therefore, we all choose the easier way out: we hate. And we discriminate.

The results of this hatred and discrimination are devastating. Feminist groups now don’t call out for equality; they raise slogans of hatred against men. On the other hand, men raise their hands on their wives and daughters to make sure they don’t even THINK about going out because that way, according to him, they’d be defined as sluts. Religious extremists give sermons on infidels and order people to wage war against them, resulting in the massacre of hundreds of minorities each year. And lastly, the master regards his servant with such abuse that the servant thinks of himself less as a human and more as an animal.

But why? Why doesn’t it stop? Why must this all go on? Why is equality such an easy concept only on paper and not in actual practice? Why must we hate? Can’t all of this just stop? Can’t we all unite? Why must we divide? Why?

It’s high time we decided what’s more important. Our own egos or the bigger picture. Our self-made problems or the actual problems that exist in this world. Celebrities talk of how they want to achieve world peace, but world peace starts at the individual level. By the art of tolerating. Not only another person’s habits and flaws, but also an opinion which might be different from ours. By the art of love. By the art of tolerance. This is the only way that hate and discrimination can be eradicated. Therefore, spread love. Spread harmony. Spread peace. And stop hating. Stop discriminating. And definitely stop the unnecessary bias against people who have nothing against you.

World peace, here we come!