Judging and being judged - a reply.

Yesterday, I came across a post by the title "Judging and being judged", the link of which I have posted below for reference.

http://wayofaseeker.wordpress.com/2013/12/19/judging-and-being-judged/

The post was beautifully written, even if I refused to agree with every single word of it. I thought of replying on the post but then what better way to reply to a blogpost, than by another blog post? So here it goes.

According to the writer, we all judge, it is something that comes naturally to all of us. Therefore, since it comes so naturally, we should be careful and expose our noble side instead of our immature and stupid side, especially on social and public forums like Twitter where people don't know us by anything other than our tweets or what we post. 

But I disagree. Maybe judging might come naturally to all of us, because if we are expressing our opinion about a person, any person, whether it's good or bad, it is judging. However, we could all learn to keep our opinions to ourselves where we believe that the opinion is too critical or too negative. For example, some person, let's name him A, decides to post something funny but offensive. You'd automatically assume he likes offensive jokes, and likes to mock people around him. Now what if, what if that person decides to judge you right back? What if he decides you're not as noble as you believe yourself to be? What then? Wouldn't you feel bad for judging him in the first place, because he just retaliated to your snide comment? This is what judging does. 

Furthermore, how can we judge someone, how did we even get the right to critically analyze someone, when our own self is full of flaws? We all know that us, being humans, makes us imperfect. That we are flawed. There was only one man perfect in the history of time and he was the Holy Prophet (SAW). Then, how can we point fingers at someone when we are sinning in some different way? I read a saying somewhere which applies beautifully here - "Don't judge someone because they sin differently than you."

The next point was that we should show our nobler, mature side instead of showing our stupid and immature side. Now that's laughable for two reasons - firstly, maybe a person doesn't have a noble side, what then? And secondly, why bother being all high and mighty for people on a social forum, people you barely know, people who for all you know might as well be fake accounts? How many of your followings have you met in real life? See, that answers in my question.

And the most important argument of all - why pretend? Why pretend to be someone you're not? Why pretend to post serious tweets when you actually want to post funny ones and vice versa? Wouldn't that be hypocrisy in it's purest form? To tweet or show people what we're just pretending to be, in order to be popular, or considered more religious, or considered more dignified? I don't think pretense is the key to success. I see so many people on Twitter everyday, who just post things so that people will "like" them for what they tweet, not for who they are. I have even talked to a lot of people from Twitter and realised that they are not at all what they show themselves to be on Twitter. They just tweet stuff, serious stuff, in order to get some sort of approval from the Twitter oldies. And since they're all hiding behind a screen, it doesn't matter, right? But it does. A person who can be hypocritical in such a thing, can be a hypocrite in real life, which never ends well, neither for them or for their loved ones. 

My point remains. Don't judge because ultimately you wouldn't want to be judged yourself. And don't change yourself for some random people behind a screen, for all you know, they might not be the people you thought them to be, they might just be pretending to be something they're not, themselves. Be yourself. You couldn't do any better than that. Trying to copy someone else, or to try to be someone you're not is the worst thing you could do to yourself, trust me, I know. I learnt it the hard way. 

Regrets or no regrets, that is the question

Today, I got asked an interesting question on ask.fm, a site on which people can ask you questions anonymously, and you answer them. The question was and I quote - Nobody is born in this world with their own choice. If you had to.. would you change your beliefs or will you remain the same? End quote. 

It inspired me enough to write a post about it because I don't think I could have justified my answer in just a couple of lines. 

Contrary to popular belief, I do not feel ashamed in any way of being an Ahmadi, regardless of how this country and most of it's population has made me feel. I feel no regrets in belonging to a sect, which has been ostracized by the nation. I do not think I could have it any better, belonging to a community where people are so loving and caring, that they put forward their others' needs in front of their own, where people are tightly knitted into a brotherhood. I can not even imagine a life without Ahmadiyyat and the brother/sisterhood that comes along with it. 

This country has learned just to detest Ahmadis. The new generations have grown up being brainwashed, learning that Ahmadis are not good people, in every sense of that word. I have seen little kids, barely in their teens, writing posts on social networks about how Ahmadis deserve to die, and if you ask them whether they even know why they hate Ahmadis so much, they have no answer because they do not know the history. Nowadays, it's like this - if people figure it out that you're Ahmadi, they will stop talking to you without any explanation, and they will expect you to realise that it is your fault, not theirs. They will constantly keep it hanging over your head that you're an Ahmadi, which in this country means you are no less than a piece of dirt on the road, meant to be stepped and stomped on. Not everyone is like that, this I'd like to clarify here. I have found a LOT of people in real life, and on social networking who sympathize with Ahmadis, and who know I'm an Ahmadi and are still on very good terms with me. So, saying the whole nation is against Ahmadis would be one of those huge lies which you can't take back. There are a lot of people backing us up and supporting us Ahmadis as well.

Coming back to the question, I'd like to say, I wouldn't change a single thing. Although I do wish that I could help make the authorities realise that we aren't plotting a conspiracy, like they believe we are, nor do we stray from the teachings of Islam in any way, even though that is a matter of man and God, not man and man. I also wish I could make them realise that we are a peace loving community. But that is something out of my hands. Living as an Ahmadi in Pakistan is very hard, considering you see banners and flyers everywhere, spewing profanities at us, and some shops don't allow us to go inside as if we are some bad omen, and then there are the looks.. The looks that follow you where ever you go, judging you, criticizing you, condemning you. Regardless of all this, if it were my choice, I would stay here, in this community. Because everything aside, Ahmadiyyat have given me so much, that without it, I don't think I'd be as religious and spiritual as I am now. I also wouldn't have the motto "Love for all, hatred for none" etched into my mind. I have so many blessings that have only been given to me because of Ahmadiyyat, and I truly would not have it any other way. 

However, here, I would want to thank all of my non-Ahmadi friends, every single one of them, which I have made through the years in real life, and on Twitter and Facebook, for supporting me through this, for not judging me for which sect I belong to, for not leaving me because of me being an Ahmadi, for loving me as I am. I have been a pessimist throughout my life, having seen what has happened to Ahmadis over the years. I have seen that hate myself in university when half of the people just cut off all contact with me, and the other half just made fun of my religion behind my back, but you guys have made me realise that there are a lot of genuinely sincere people out there as well. I can not thank you enough for that. 

Beggars - a life time of no respect and dignity

Beggars - every where you turn in Pakistan, you can see them - at traffic lights, public places, near shops. Some are begging for money because they are poor and have children to feed, others flaunt their disabilities by showing some tumour or their twisted bones. It can literally make you cringe and make you give them money just to make them go away. 

There are some women beggars who have little kids in their arms, usually with a cloth over the babies' heads. I always noticed that the babies were usually so calm. Never have I ever seen a crying baby or a screaming one. After doing some research, it turns out that half of the babies are drugged and sedated so as to not create a scene. Some after constant drugging even pass away. The other half.. Are already dead. So these women, who pretend to need money for their children are actually harming and killing these little infants, who have done nothing other than being born in the wrong household. 

Then are the people who flaunt their physical disabilities. It is one thing to have a physical disability; God tests his men in very different ways, but it is an entirely different thing to flaunt it and try to gain sympathy in monetary terms. That is like throwing your self-respect and dignity on the ground and stomping your dirty foot over it. 

After that are people who are actually quite well, they have no disabilities whatsoever. But they are just too lazy to actually work for money. Hence, they choose something that comes easier - begging. They choose to beg for money instead of working even a low wage job. Once, a beggar came to a relative asking for money. My relative asked her why she chose begging as a life career instead of doing some proper work when clearly she had the abilities to do so. Her reply was - "baji paisay dainay hain toh dain, warna keh dain nahin dainay. Ye kaam shaam na karayain." 

There are also small children, literally 3-4 year old children who are forced to beg so that their parents can snatch all their money from them as soon as they go home. These kids are sent to some public place or near traffic lights, while an elder watches over them from a distance and then as soon as they get some money, the elder just takes it all away. These kids, who should actually have been in schools, are on the roads, learning to beg, and forgetting a thing called self-respect. 

I don't believe in beggars. I don't believe in throwing your dignity for a Rs.10 note. I don't believe in people who choose to beg instead of doing proper work for money. Yes, we all give money to beggars, because it's sadqah, but it still does not in any way mean that you should choose make begging a career and make the most of it. Life is not easy for anyone. Every one has to work hard. Choosing the easy way out is not really the answer and never will be. 

Go to the passport office, come home deep in thought

The other day, I went to the passport office to get my passport renewed. It was early in the morning, I had to wait in a queue so early, and in such cold weather. It clearly wasn't a good start to my day. The lady sitting on the picture desk station takes my picture, and it turns out worse than I was looking, and I know this day is just going to do downhill from here.

From there, I take the token and wait for the another call for all my information. Finally, after an hour or so, my name is called. I go and give all my personal information. He takes out a printout and asks me to make sure that everything has been correctly entered so that I can go to the next station. While I'm looking at the form, my eye catches a certain declaration that I have to sign. 

Maybe, the last time I signed a government document was a time when I was a kid, or maybe I never noticed this clause, or maybe I am much more aware now about how the State treats Ahmadis. Whatever the reason was, I couldn't stop reading it, re-reading and then re-re-reading it just to make sure I had gotten it right the first time. But there it was, all in bold print.

Anyway, the person at the next station asks me to sign the declaration. I tell him that I can't because I'm an Ahmadi and I believe in the Promised Messiah (as) and that my religion is Islam Ahmadiyyat. He absorbs nothing, stares at me blankly, not accepting the fact that I can't sign it. He asks me to sign the declaration again and I refuse again and shove the paper in his face and tell him I can't because my religion says Ahmadiyyat in the first row. Finally, he seems to realize it and he lets it go.

After that, I wait for almost an hour for the interview. When my name is called, I go inside and the man sitting behind the computer takes the form from my hand and goes through it. He sees the unsigned declaration and asks me why I haven't signed it. I tell him I'm an Ahmadi and that I can't possibly be asked to sign it. The look on his face is something I can't really get out of my mind - it was a mixture of disappointment, contempt, superiority and hatred all rolled into one. The look went away within seconds, and he smiles and says oh alright then, your passport application has been approved and you will receive it within a week.

Nothing violent actually happened. No one actually said anything to me. There were no outbursts, there was no punching, there was nothing. But there were looks. Everyone there knew I was an Ahmadi and they were looking down on me, as if I was somehow inferior to them. They were looking at me as if I had some contagious disease which they might get if they sat near me. Their looks said - we might not be physically doing anything to hurt you, but you should know that we hate you and your kind, and you don't belong here. And for that moment, I actually felt that I didn't belong.

It has been almost 40 years since Ahmadis have been declared non-Muslims by the "Islamic Republic" of Pakistan. And since then, Ahmadis have been pushed to their limits, they have been kidnapped, murdered brutally, tortured not only by random people but by government officials as well. Declaration like these appear on every government form. Ahmadis are tried every day they step out of their house. They are scared for their lives, most of them are moving abroad because they are being declared Wajib-ul-Qatal on national television and newspapers. 

There is a clause in the constitution of Pakistan, which declares the right of freedom of speech and freedom of religion, and then there is another clause declaring that Ahmadis are non-Muslims and that if they say or do anything through which they might even LOOK like Muslims, there will be a punishment of imprisonment and a liability to fine. This clause has been taken advantage of time and again by religious extremists who believe themselves to be God, and who murder innocent Ahmadis in the name of Allah. Whereas, in the Quran, nowhere has it been mentioned that it's okay to kill, torture or kidnap people as long as it's in the name of Allah.

It was a simple application for a passport, but it got me thinking. How much secure does the government of Pakistan really need to be? Do they need to prove Ahmadis non-Muslims, just to prove themselves as Muslims? Is that what Islam really is in their eyes? Do they not believe in prayers, Zakat, fasting, Hajj, being kind of others, Huqooqullah (rights of Allah) and Huqooq-ul-Ibad (rights of men)? Does their Islam start and end with killing everyone who has a different way of studying and practicing religion? I think they have forgotten what Islam means and what it really teaches, because there eyes are literally blinded by hatred.  

Maybe some day, I might go to the passport office again to get my passport renewed and realize that the clause no longer exists, that no one will look at me as if I do not belong here, and no one will judge me for being an Ahmadi. And maybe someday, the country I have come to love and adore so much, might decide to let me feel belonged here, let me feel loved and might decide to love me back for all the love I have given her. Till then, I just hope everyone stays safe from this hatred and contempt. 

A tad bit of randomness

The above quote is by George Bernard Shaw who was a writer, a novelist and wrote plays. His usual work involved satire and black comedy but this quote hits close to home. It makes me think about what my heart desire's and it makes me wonder whether I can confidently say I'll be the happiest girl on Earth if my heart's desire was fulfilled. 

Losing your heart's desire is difficult, be it love, or fame or money or friends, or whatever it is. But what if what we want to gain is not what we expect it to be? What if your heart's desire is money, but it does't satisfy you as much as it should? What if it's popularity, and it starts to affect you negatively and people start sending you hate mails? What if it is friends, but they end up breaking your trust? What if it is love, and you feel on top of the world, only to be thrown down on the ground with a broken heart?

Things, people, life isn't what we expect it to be. And it never will be. Not that everyone is out to get you; there are truly sincere people in this world. I have them. You must have them too. But don't expect too much out of something or someone. Only some people can rise up to your expectations, the others, they're just there to pass their time. But don't be so pessimistic as to let no one in. Give some people the benefit of the doubt. They might surprise you. They might be everything you need. 

We, humans, are never satisfied with what we have. We always want more. (Notice that I said 'want' and not 'need' because our necessities are basically just food, water, shelter). We get what we want, but we always seem to want more and more and more. More money. More fame. More power. More popularity. More possessions. More everything. 

Possessions, power and money means nothing. As long as you have a healthy relationship with your Creator and family and a few friends, you're good to go. Possessions get broken, stolen, obsolete and they are nothing more than a distraction. Focus on the feelings. Focus on people. Focus on your life's motive. Focus on what you need to do. Most of all, focus on Allah. Maybe you might get what you've been looking for all your life. Maybe you will find solace in something that you never expected.

.... Put your faith in Allah. Stop planning. And let live. 

Ode to my dad

I sit by the window today, staring out into the night. I'm quiet. Not for the first time, I'm short of words. I can not quite describe how I'm feeling. Music is distantly playing silently in the background, some song about some loved one being lost. I can't seem to remember what it is. I just stare out the window, with tears rolling down my cheeks, even though I have tried hard to push them back, but they roll down, and I don't even realise it.

Today marks the 9th death anniversary of my father, who passed away in 2004. He passed away within minutes, even though it seemed like an eternity to all us who witnessed it firsthand. It seemed like none of us had any idea of the tragedy that was about to befall us because we just thought it was some minor chest pain. Little did we know that we were about to lose someone we had come to love so dearly, we didn't know how to live without him. 

Today, my heart breaks into more pieces. It seems every day that I grow older, the pain seems to increase, the heart refuses to believe, the eyes won't stop tearing up at the thought of my father. His cheerful smile, the way he brought colour into my life. Now the world just seems black and white and a million shades of grey. The world doesn't seem the same anymore, my life doesn't seem the same anymore, life isn't all laughters anymore. It's full of melancholy and sadness. 

Today is the worst day of every year I go through. Today is the day I have come to dread. Today is the day I give in to all my vulnerability, and cry and sob and think about him all day. Today is the day, I remember him with a heart so broken, it can't possibly be mended. This day has become such a horrifying day for me that it really can not be described in words. So, instead, I chose to talk to my dad. Maybe that would help heal me. Maybe. Just maybe. 

This is for you, my dad, my hero. 

Dear dad,

Today is the day, I lost you. I know you're in a better place with no cruelties of this animalistic world that I live in, but I miss you so much. And I wish you were here. I wish you were to see everything I have achieved even though it is not much to speak of. I wish you were here to watch me grow up, and I wish you were here so that I could make you proud. I wish, that in your last moments, I was mature enough to realise what was happening and say good bye and I love you to you. Maybe I didn't because I was a kid, or maybe I just didn't want to let go. 

How can a broken heart mend, really? How can it mend itself when it refuses to believe? How can it believe anything is real when the mind is playing games, when it make me think you're there, when you're really not? How am I supposed to move on when I have been hallucinating for the better part of my life? People tell me to accept it and move on, but how can I do that, how could I accept a thing that my heart and mind both refuse to believe? Why should I move on when life is so dull and incomplete without you? When life really does not seem to carry any meaning without you, when I feel so restless that I could walk to the corners of the world and not find any peace because I wouldn't have found you? How can they expect this of me? 

Someone once told me to forget you. Forget this pain and hurt, be a happy person, like I used to be when I was a kid. But, forgetting that pain would mean forgetting all the good memories as well, and how could I let anyone take those away from me, the memories which make me smile when I remember them? Forgetting you would mean I would never know how great a person existed in my life. How could I possibly do that, to myself and to you? I'd bear all the pain, the heartbreak and the suffering if that means I can remember you, your face, your voice and who you were, are, and will always be for me. And I would never let that go, no matter how much it killed me. No matter how much. 

Whenever I tell people I miss you or that I wish you were here, they tell me to accept it and move on with my life. But I think that's where they're wrong, haven't gone through this themselves. They don't know the pain of losing a parent when they just became a teenager. They don't know the guilt in their heart because they weren't able to do anything to save someone they love.  They don't know how that moment, that minute, that second haunts them forever. They don't have nightmares being replayed over and over in their heads. They don't wake up crying every now and then. To be brutally honest, I hope they never do. 

Needless to say, I miss you. I hope you miss me too. I know it must be sad for you, as much as it is for me, but I sincerely hope you're happy. I pretend to be happy too for your sake, how you always used to be so cheerful, but at times, people can see the sadness from my eyes, even if I'm smiling away. I'm not going to tell you how much I miss you, because I don't think I would be able to do it justice. I just want you to know, my life is not complete without you. 

You barely talk to me anymore. You and I used to talk for hours. We don't have that anymore. I hold long conversations with you all day, but you never reply. It saddens me. You used to love talking to me. Don't you love me anymore? Or do I annoy you with my incessant talking, like I used to when I was little? Please, talk to me. I miss your voice. Your voice used to soothe me so much, where has it gone now?

Am I making any sense?

I hope I am to you, because you are the one I wrote it for. 

I miss you. It's a burning pain inside, I swear. 

I miss you. 

Saniya.

Malala - a patriot or a ...?

Malala Yousafzai was a normal teenager, who was shot in the head and neck by the Taliban in the Swat district in an assassination attempt in 2012. Why was there an attempt to assassinate a 16-year old? Because she was an educational and women rights' activist. 

The Taliban shot her and two of her friends while they were returning home. Malala was hospitalised and was in a very critical condition. After her condition stabilised a little, she was sent to UK for intensive rehabilitation, where she remains up to this day. From there, she gives hope to all the women and children of Pakistan who are suffering under the Taliban regime and supports them and asks the world to raise their voices in favour of education. 

Malala can be seen as a perfect example of a young child, who even after going through physical and mental trauma, has not given up her stance on women getting educated. On her 16th Birthday, she presented a speech on the need for education and how women should be treated equally in this aspect. The day was named Malala Day in her favour and every child in Pakistan, and worldwide, knows her name. 

All that is good. Education is the right of every child and every women must be treated equally with respect to day-to-day matters. However, recently Malala has given the statement that she agrees that the negotiations with Taliban must commence as soon as possible and that war should be answered with peace. While she is correct in stating that peace is indeed the right way to handle most matters, however, it does NOT in any way apply to the Taliban. Malala should know that better than anyone else. 

Taliban are not someone who will negotiate easily. They will only negotiate to one thing - that Pakistan be ruled by them and be ruled how the Taliban want it to be ruled. That basically means saying goodbye to women rights, saying goodbye to recreational centres, mobile phones, etc. Anything that will be considered unIslamic according to their thinking would be banned. Beards would become mandatory and so would Hijabs. While some may consider that a good thing, these appearances are of no use if the person is forced into them. Right now, we're frustrated at the YouTube ban. If the Talibans get to rule, they would just ban the whole internet. 

There is also another approach to this. The Taliban let the political leaders rule the way they're ruling with one exception - every unIslamic person (Shia, Ahmadi, Christian, Jew, Hindu, atheist) would either be forced to leave the country or would be killed. No minority would be safe and they'd all be running under cover. This is how Pakistan, sorry Talibanistan, would look like should peace talks be carried on. But I digress. 

Today, I hear another statement about Malala aspiring to be a politician. When I heard this, all I could think of was - beta aap ki umar kya hai? (Child, how old are you?) She's 16. I completely agree with her supporting education and women rights, but a politician? She needs to complete her education first, the main thing that she is actually standing on, and if she wants something to do afterwards, she can work, she can do so much, but politics? Does she really think of herself to be as smart and cunning and evil and sly as all our politicians? Does she know how to even enter into this game of politics? She's just a child, shouldn't her parents be knocking some sense into her?

Malala is now known worldwide. Every person knows her name, she is the inspiration of many women in Pakistan who aren't strong enough to stand up for themselves. What image is she then portraying to the whole world of trying to negotiate with those inhumane people who kill people thinking it's their right and they're acting on the word of God, by killing innocent people? How does she expect people to love her if she agrees that Taliban can be negotiated with? How does she expect Pakistan to survive with this?

We are all entitled to our opinions. I'm entitled to mine, just as Malala is entitled to hers. But instead of saying some words to please some higher power, or to try and make herself popular, is not going to work for her or anyone else in the long run. I don't know if someone exercises some power over her or if she is making such stupid statements out of her own mind, but she needs to think long and hard before she makes statements like this again. People are already starting to think she's a fake, they're going to start defaming her completely soon. 

On a lighter note though, I've heard she mentioned something about liking Justin Bieber. Talk about loving horrible music. Someone should give her some good music to listen to, maybe that might help in knocking some sense into her. 

Oh well.