How being an Ahmadi works in Pakistan

It’s my first day in university. I am an introvert and I don’t make friends easily so I stand in a corner, waiting for someone to come and talk to me, instead of me having to make the first move. A girl comes towards me, introduces me and asks me “Are you new here?” I respond in the affirmative and tell her I’m very nervous about my first day since I’m scared of new people and new environments. She links her hand in mine and tells me I don’t have to worry anymore, that she’ll help me adjust and she’ll hang around me. I heave a sigh of relief and she drags me to my first class since she knows where the new classes were supposed to be starting.

Our acquaintance gradually converts into a friendship. And that turns into a trustworthy friendship. Both of us have started spilling our deepest, darkest secrets. We have started talking about the things that matter to us, things we’re scared of, what we aspire to achieve, what change we want to bring into the world, things we would never, in a million years, tell anyone else.

Then one day, I decide to tell her I’m an Ahmadi. I decide against reason. I decide against the lectures people had given me about not declaring my religion openly, given the situation in Pakistan. Given the fact that Ahmadis were openly mocked and jeered at, that people preferred to stay away from “our lot” and how they would openly say we are Wajib-ul-Qatal – that we deserve to die. But none of these thoughts cross my mind, because I believed, at that time as hopeless and foolish that I was, that this friend I had made, she would never think like that. And even if she did not believe in our religion, what excuse is that to end such a close friendship, because by then we were inseparable. I believed in the best and one day I went to her and told her that I needed to tell her something, but that she had to promise that she wouldn’t judge me, that she wouldn’t just stop talking to me over it.

She got extremely worried over what could possibly have happened that is making me so jittery and nervous. So, before I could have any second thoughts, I blabbered – “Listen, I just wanted you to know that I didn’t tell you one thing about myself. I’m an Ahmadi. Not that if affects our friendship or anything, but I just wanted you to know so that you wouldn’t blame me later on if you found out from someone else. So…”

The expression on her face was shocking. It was a mixture of disappointment, mockery and anger. I couldn’t decipher why she was so surprised and I asked her exactly that. Her reply was “But I shared my food with you, we hung around together, you even came to fucking house, goddammit.” I said “Hey, why are you making such a big deal out of it, why does it matter what I believe in? Isn’t everyone supposed to have their own set of beliefs?” But she wouldn’t listen, she just started shouting at me “You are a fucking non-Muslim, you don’t deserve to live. You guys have turned Islam into a mockery, you should be ashamed of yourself, you bitch. You and your community needs to be taught a lesson, you guys all deserve to die. You should have told me this the first time we started hanging out so that I wouldn’t have gotten so close to you.”  

I said “Look it’s my religion, I believe in it, it’s something very personal and it shouldn’t bother you. We’re not friends on the basis of our religion, now are we? Besides, you were quite fine with me before you found out, so why make an issue of it, when we’re such best friends?” She says, in a huff – Look Saniya, I adore you but I can’t be seen talking to an Ahmadi, and hang around an Ahmadi, you are one so I can’t hang around with you. Allah sees everything and He will put me in Hell for it, too. You guys are not Muslims, and you guys are fake. I can’t be in the company of a person who calls herself a Muslim but is so astray from the religion. My elders have told me everything about what you people believe in and I don’t need to read the Quran and Hadith to confirm what they have told me.”

At that time, her words had started stinging and I started shouting back at her as well “Hey whatever I believe in is my business and what you believe in is yours. Don’t you dare say a word against me, my beliefs and my community, you don’t have that right” and with that, I walked off in a huff.

We didn’t talk for a couple of days, and then one day she texts me timidly, saying she’s sorry for the outburst and that she’s missed me and she wants to talk to me. Anyway, we decide to meet up the following afternoon. While we are making small talk over coffee, the discussion somehow returns back to Ahmaddiyyat. And she starts saying, in a pleading voice, nonetheless “Saniya, listen, this belief of yours is going to land you in Hell. I’m serious. You don’t know how much wrath Allah shows on false prophets and their followers. I care about you a lot so please just come back to the real Islam. Come back to us, and pray for forgiveness from Allah. He’ll listen to you. Just stop with this crap. Otherwise, you and me, we can’t be friends either.”

I couldn’t believe it. She hadn’t called me to chat, or because she missed me. She had just met up with me to give me an ultimatum. To tell me it’s either Ahmaddiyyat or her friendship. As if she thought I was going to give up the one thing I firmly believe on, the one thing I never budge from, give it all up for a friendship. A friendship which I didn’t know would last anyway or not. So, suppressing my anger, I calmly told her that I would do nothing of the sort, I will not give up my religion for a single soul in this world no matter what happens. Her rejection showed in her face and she slowly said “Oh.. So that’s it then, eh? You don’t want my friendship, anymore? This is what I meant to you?” By then, my patience had already started running low, and I did not want anything to do with her. What use was a friend who couldn’t accept you for who you are? So I told her “Yes, bud, this is the end. But not because I want it to be, or that it was my sole purpose in life to hurt you. But because you forced me to make that decision. I’m sorry but I can’t possibly choose you over my religion. I’m sorry. But it had to be this way.”

She stood up, as if her ego had been destroyed by my words and said “Okay, Saniya as you wish. But remember, one day you will realize what wrongs you have made. And when that day comes, you will be on your knees, begging for forgiveness from everyone and from Allah, and then everyone will taunt you and laugh at you for how strong you were in this make-belief religion of yours. I hope that you find your way, but till then you are nothing to me, I’m sorry I ever trusted you with anything, you guys are a sorry lot of asses and bitches who don’t give a damn about religion” And with this speech, she took one disapproving look at me and walked away, never to be seen of heard of, by me, again.

That day, I realized that no matter what happens, I will never be accepted by the people of Pakistan. I will never be accepted because of the rigid minds of elders and because of the constitution which declares us non-Muslims and does not give us any rights unless we publicly declare that we can are not Muslims. People will always come and talk to me and spend a good time with me, but as soon as they realize that I’m an Ahmadi, that stop talking and stop keeping in touch, as if it’s a contagious disease that will engulf them as well. Needless to say, it’s very dangerous to mention you’re an Ahmadi in Pakistan, anyway, because you’re a target for murder and kidnappings then. But I still say, I am proud to be an Ahmadi, and I always will be, no matter who comes, who goes and who hurts me in the end, I will always choose my religion over everything else, and I guess that’s the only thing that matters.

Happy Fathers Day, abbu

Since a month, there has been a huge hype about Fathers Day. Everywhere I went, there were posters about buying a gift for your hero, your first love, your best friend and your role model. There were gifts and cards to get for him. Fathers' Day was trending on Twitter. Even Pinterest had made a category named "For Dad" - gifts and ideas on how to make Fathers' Day special.

It was a wonderful yet heartbreaking week for me. Wonderful because the world was all hyped up to make their dads feel special. And heartbreaking because I wish I could have had one more day with my father, too. To make him feel special. To make him feel loved. To let him know that I had never taken him for granted. But alas, you only realize the value of someone when they leave you.

I avoided Facebook and Twitter all day on Fathers' Day to avoid any statuses and tweets which would make me well up. It turns out I didn't need that, anyway. The TV was full of Fathers' Day messages and so were the newspapers. All I could think of was how I wish I had someone whose day I could have made special.

So I think I will make it special for him by talking to him, yes it's a one-sided conversation but it doesn't hurt to try, right? Here goes - Happy Fathers' Day, abbu. I love you from the core of my heart. I wish you had been here so that I could have told you I love you in person. I would have made you smile. I would have joked around with you. I would have done everything I hadn't before I lost you. I would never have taken you for granted. I would never have let you go.

I miss you. Every single day, I miss you. And it feels like a searing pain that just won't go away. Every second of every day, I feel a hole in my heart, I feel an emptiness in my life. I have tried to fill it in every way possible but I just can't. The hole just feels like it is getting bigger and bigger as years pass by. I wish you were here to see me, where I am right now. I know you would have been so proud of me. I know it but I wish you were here to say that out loud.

I hope you're watching over me from above and protecting me. I love you Dad, and I always will. They say it gets better with time, but I've noticed that it just gets worse. Because as I grow older, I realize I need you advice, your comfort, you around me, and I just feel something's missing a lot lately. I've managed fine somehow, but I hope wherever you are, you're happy and smiling, and satisfied with how everything turned out. I love you. :')

3 years and counting - When will attacks on Ahmadis end?

28th May 2010 - It was a beautiful Friday. A nervous and exciting one for me. Nervous because I had an exam, and exciting because it was my last one. I come out of the exam hall at 4, a free girl and switch on my cell to let everyone know that I'm free for any plans for the upcoming summer. And suddenly my cell is flooded with concerned messages - "Is your family ok? We heard about the blast", "Call up your family and friends in Lahore, there's been an explosion", "You're an Ahmadi, right? I think you need to watch the news".

Seeing these messages, I got even more worried wondering what had happened. Rushing back home, I switch on the TV to see news channels filled with blood, torn clothes, debris of what used to be a wall, and injured people. As it turns out, there have been two major blasts on Ahmadis’ mosques in Garhi Shahu and Model Town. The attacks had been planned at the Jumma prayer time for more collateral damage. And the plan was effective. 86 Ahmadis lost their lives, and more than 150 men and children were injured.

I have quite a few relatives in Lahore, and a couple of them are quite close ones. I texted one of them, asking whether her dad and brothers were safe, hoping they had not been injured, or worse, dead. She called me right up, weeping that they were still at the mosque and there has been no communication from them. She had tried calling everyone but no one was picking up and she had no way of knowing. I could not have said anything to her to make her feel better, so I just said – bus dua kero, Allah sab behtar keray ga. (Just keep praying, Allah will make things better). And I bowed down to pray myself, hoping for safety of the Ahmadis insides those mosques.

86 Ahmadis lost their lives that day. 86 people martyred, and so many more injured. Not one of them protested against the attack. Not one of them started a protest or a riot. Not one of them came to the streets. Why? Because the leader of the Ahmaddiyya Community, Hazrat Mirza Masroor Ahmad, asked them to be patient. And promised them that Allah is all-Rewarding and all-Watching. All of them were hurting, broken hearted; losing a family member is not an easy thing to go through, especially when they leave before their time. But each and every Ahmadi, instead of going out to protest, bowed down in prayer. It was a wonderful, yet heart breaking sight. Every Ahmadi was united in their prayer for the ‘shaheed’ and the affected families.

The news went worldwide. There was news about how a minority had been targeted at such a wide scale, about how nothing had been done to take preventive measures. The whole world seemed to be talking about it. Even in Pakistan, where there is a nationwide hatred for the Ahmadis, there was a lot of talk about Ahmadi rights and how the blasts should not have occurred at all. And as quickly as it started, it ended. Soon, there was no news about the incident; there were no talk shows about it. Pakistan and its citizens pretty much forgot about it. There was no help given from the government. No support was given to the affected families. For the government, it was just news and an incident that had happened, and nothing else.

There were so many questions. Why did they die? Why was there an attack on such a huge scale? Why wasn’t the police guarding a much-threatened community? Here’s the answer; they were Ahmadis. They are not supposed to die; it’s apparently a good deed to kill them. According to the 1973 constitution approved by Bhutto, Ahmadis are by all means non-Muslims. They are not allowed to pray, or call their places of worship mosques, or recite the Kalima. They are not even allowed to vote; if they want to, they must declare themselves non-Muslim publicly on a piece of paper. But since Ahmadis are very devoted and determined in their religion, they refuse to do so. So, as a last resort, the extremists have targeted them and killed them to serve their own guilty conscience. Forget the fact that murder is not allowed, forget to follow Islamic teachings in all walks of life, but just make sure Ahmadis are dying. Just make sure that the public is brainwashed into thinking that Ahmadis are ‘wajib-ul-Qatal’ (they deserve to be killed).

It has been 3 years. There has yet no justice been given to the victims of that tragic day. It has been long forgotten. No one talks about it now. No one even remembers something so huge happened. But the Ahmadis remember. Not only the affected ones. Every single Ahmadi remember what happened that day; it’s not something that will be forgotten easily. The sad part is that no one asks for justice because asking for justice would just mean more deaths. It would just mean that Ahmadis become a target for even more people.

To my Ahmadi brothers and sisters, I say, have patience. It’s all we can have right now, and pray to Allah. Pray to Him for only He can change this state of affairs, for He is All-Listening and He is the One you need to turn to. And Allah is the one who is the One who will give rewards and punishments. Let’s leave it up to Him to punish the oppressor.

To the news and talk show people, I say, don’t use someone else’s tragedies to make a show. If you want to make it news, then at least consider the feelings of the affected, before blatantly talking about it.

To the extremists, I say, do whatever you need to. Kill us all but not one of us will renounce our religion. We will die but we will never say we are not Muslims. We will stay bonded and united under the flag of Ahmaddiyyat, and none of your plans and attacks will change that. So, you can either stop with the attacks and the finger-pointing, or you can keep on adding to your sins, and we keep getting your virtues (if you have any).

To Pakistan, I say, Ahmadis helped make you independent. Ahmadis have played a huge role in your politics and government. I just hope you repay the Ahmaddiyya community some day by giving them their respected rights, their justice and most importantly, their right to live. You owe it to them, you owe it to us. 

PTI's arrogance might have just cost them their votes

Before I start, I should let you all know that I am not a political person. And I never have been. Maybe it's because every time any leader comes into power, they always get addicted to power and money and succumb to greed of possibly everything. So since this has been going on since way before I was born, I have never shown an interest in politics.
However, in the general elections 2013, since I'm working with FAFEN, I have to be politically aware. I have to read newspapers and observe electoral and political incidents taking place in Pakistan. Most of my work relates to recording violence related to elections, but when you're already reading newspapers, you start reading other news as well.
Anyway, so I started noticing this hype about these elections mainly because most of the people my age were voting for the first time so I kept hearing political party stances' from them, asking me to vote for PTI because Imran Khan is the voice of the nation, or support PML-N since Nawaz Sharif had a political background and he's been PM twice already. Regardless of who they supported, everywhere I turned, I saw discussions, slogans, arguments, talk show - there was a certain hype everywhere I looked. It was fascinating and intimidating at the same time.
Since most of my friends were all die-hard PTI fans, I somehow became a PTI supporter, thinking that maybe IK is the change we need, maybe he'll be our savior, maybe he's the leader we've all been waiting for. He was so determined in his speeches and was always talking about a "Naya Pakistan". An energetic vibe flew every single time he gave a speech.
Until the day he publicly announced that he would not support and/or protect Ahmadi rights and that he does not want them to vote, and he does not intend to change the 1973 constitution, according to which they have been labelled as non-Muslims. Regardless of what they believe in, if you want to lead a country, you have to take everyone side by side, you just don't get to leave anyone behind. You don't get to royally screw a community who has already been persecuted enough times already and now because of your stance, even more hatred is being spread against them. You don't get to do that just to make sure you get more votes and you are more popular for spreading hatred against minorities. Singling out a single, persecuted is just not done.
This just not end here. Soon after his speeches were less of a motivation for Naya Pakistan or how he intends to change Pakistan, and were more about how corrupt Nawaz Sharif was and how he is going to suck people's money into a black hole. Every word he spoke was a hate speech against PML-N. Even if PML-N were doing the same thing (and I don't appreciate that, either) but if people are looking up to you, and supporting you cause and your party, you should have the decency to give them the motivation they need instead of fueling their hatred.
Election day came and PML-N stood victorious. Yes, there was a lot of rigging in a lot of areas, but I have read about at least, AT LEAST 50 difference incidents in which PTI workers or supporters created violence or disrupted peace during and after polling. Is that the change you're bringing to Pakistan? If you can't control your own supporters and workers, how can any one expect you to control a whole country?
And maybe people really did not vote for PTI, because a day before the elections, I heard a lot of people commenting about how arrogant Imran Khan sounded and how he already thinks he has won even with the controversial statements that he has been making. I heard a lot of people vowing not to vote for Imran Khan because of his attitude and his way of dealing with specific political issues. So, technically many of the registered voters did NOT vote for Imran Khan and PTI.
I know this sounds more like a hate post about Imran Khan - but it's not. It's just a post from a citizen of Pakistan who had been motivated by what she expected would be a new emerging leader, who has sorely disappointed her.
All I hope is that Imran Khan realizes that he needs to put his act together and instead of making hate speeches against people, unite everyone under the same flag regardless of their race, caste, religion and status and emerge as a united nation. And THAT will be the day Pakistan itself emerges victories.

Election Day for an Ahmadi girl

I'm writing this post, after two days because back on election day, I didn't really have the strength to write this. Nor the patience. I was, for the first time in my whole life, angry at everyone.
May 11th was Election Day for Pakistan. A lot of hype was created through televisions, banners, rallies, and social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter. The reason why these elections seemed to be more important were because a lot of Pakistan's youth was getting out of bed and going out to vote. A lot of the youth was fighting for their rights. A lot of them wanted justice and peace and a Naya Pakistan as Imran Khan calls it. Anyway, a lot of hype was created. Every day I would get messages and mails from my friends asking me to vote for this candidate or that, and that no matter what, I should vote for "balla".
A lot of people in my social circle don't know this, but I'm an Ahmadi. Therefore, they don't know that under the 1973 constitution, I, along with the whole community, was declared a non-Muslim, and can not exercise my right to practice my religion freely, or to say Salam or Bismillah or any Quranic verse. I am not allowed to call my prayer Namaz, and I am not allowed to call my holy book Quran. I am not allowed to call myself a Muslim even if I recite the Kalma Tayyaba. I am not allowed to call my place of worship Masjid. However, if I call myself a non-Muslim, publicly declare it on a piece of paper, I will be allowed to vote and I will have a say in the country's politics.
I was never a political person but this time around, I was very interesting in who would win, because I was following the elections for an internship I was doing. However, as the elections got closer, everyone got even more hyped up. People at work and friends on text kept asking me who I'd vote for. And I was constantly saying - noone because according to Pakistan, I am not illegible to vote. Why? What does religion have to do with who becomes the leader of the nation? I will never know. But the truth stands that I was not allowed to vote. And much as I was against the system, deep inside I wished that the constitution had not been so cruel with us. That it should have let Ahmadis vote. That it should not have rejected us, just like that.
Election day came and everyone was going off to their respective centers to vote while I was stuck at my chair in my office, pretending it didn't hurt me, pretending not to care. Then, everyone started showing off their inked thumbs at work, and on Whatsapp, Twitter and Facebook. And for the first time, in all the time I've lived, I felt left out. And I felt that I didn't belong even though I wanted to. I think that's one of the worst things ever. And then when people kept asking me why I didn't vote, there was a time when I just wanted to shout you know? That I'm an Ahmadi and Ahmadis have no rights AT ALL, that I want to vote, I would LOVE to vote but I'll have to give up my religion, the only thing that I stand firmly on. I have loved Pakistan to the core, despite its shortcomings, it's the best place I could have grown up. But on May 11th, it seemed that Pakistan did not want me to be a part of it. That Pakistan wanted me out.
So I guess all I wanted to say was this - Pakistan, I know you have disowned me and my community, and you are not going to give us any rights in the near future, but you should know that despite all of that, despite me not having a say in the elections, I will always love you. I just hope someday you'll love us back as well.

Hamari Jazbati Qaum :/

After checking all the updates,  I have something to say to you all. I'm sorry if this offends you but it must be said.
IK lost. Yes, it's bad, bohat support kiya tha unnko facebook per, bohat jhanday lagaye thay, PTI ki shirts pehan ker phiray thay, but yes IK lost. But it was expected. Even if it wasn't, ye jo poori kaum uth gayi hai kay ji hamain tou idhar baray politicians bethay hain, like seriously? Just accept it yaar, ho gaya tou ho gaya. I know bohat rigging howi hai likin phir bhi a lot of people did not vote for PTI as well and it's THEIR choice. NOT yours, just like it was your choice to vote for PTI. The thing that matters is kay you voted. Your vote counted and instead of blaming the entire universe for it, just think kay logoun ki apni preference hoti hai.
And for IK, this is such a huge win considering everything, likin nahin Punjab ko tou hum nay disown ker diya hai aur hum sirf KPK ko hi "own" kerain gay. Pehlay kum disunity hai kay ussmain aik ye bhi lay aao kay aap nay vote PML-N ya PPP ko diya hai tou hum aap say ab baat nahin kerain gay?
Secondly, Sab say hilarious baat tou awaam ki ye hai kay koi aaye ga tou tabdeeli aaye gi. Khud kuch nahin kerna. Kuch honest nahin kerna. Khud beth ker poora din facebook use kerna hai. Khud apnay aap ko theek nahin kerna.
When you're not even willing to change yourselves, tou IK or anyone else for that matter, power main aa ker kya ker lay ga? Will he be able to change your values and morals? Will he be able to get you off your bed to be a part of the change? Well.. that he already has =p but it's not just for the elections. IK power main aa jata tou usskay baad sab nay ja ker so jana tha kay ab hamara kaam khatam. THAT'S what's wrong with our nation. And THAT noone can fix except ourselves.
I know most of you will just forget it in a day or two and usskay baad you'll be like - meh, who cares. Jazba agar waqayi main hai tou work for it. Don't just show enthusiasm for something you don't know, or for something you're just following as a growing trend in Pakistan. Do it if you actually, really want to.
We seriously need to figure all of this out before we can even EXPECT a change in Pakistan.

Imran Khan kay followers ka jazba jawan!

So today, me and my mum were on our way to Blue area for some shopping when we saw all a couple of PTI banners, floating past us. My mum, seeing them, got all worried - oho phans jayain gay, ghar pohanchtay pohanchtay raat ho jaye gi. Anyway so we took an alternative route, did our shopping in Blue Area and went to Jinnah - only to be surrounded by PTI cars and loud music and people raising slogans like - Jeetay ga bhaii jeetay ga, Imran Khan jeetay ga, or Daikho daikho kaun aaya, sher ka shikari aaya.
Now I'm not a huge fan of politics, or any political party because of the way they twist things, but I had to admit, the "jazba" of the youth was worth watching. While I sat there waiting for our car to get out of the blockage (and my mum's constant worries kay ghar nahin pohanchain gay time per), it was a whole new experience to see a majority of Islamabad's youth waving PTI's flag, and singing songs, sitting in their car windows and hooting and screaming and waving everyone they passed by. Now I may seem too pro-PTI (which I'm not =p), it was something of a very heart warming feeling to see everyone on a united front when their leader suffers a fall and is in the Intensive Care Unit of a hospital, and can't really proceed with his election campaign. So instead of him carrying out the campaign, his supporters were carrying it out for him. They were seen all around Islamabad today, with their music, and their slogans, and their flags - but mostly you could notice them because of their enthusiasm.

On a side note, I could see a PML-N car caught in the whole jam. I hope they don't beat him to death =\