Pakistan and every thing that is wrong with it

Pakistan – The Land of the Pure. The country where I was born, the place which I call home. The streets, the houses, the trees, the shops, they are all home to me. When I started thinking about this post, I tried to come up with the positive aspects of Pakistan, but all I came up with were negative ones. Don’t get me wrong – I love Pakistan to the core. I love it deeply, with its aura and its patriotism and its environment. But there is so much going on about which we were blissfully unaware. So here I go.

Contradictory Constitution – The first and foremost would be the constitution of Pakistan which forms the basis of all the law and order in Pakistan. I have read most of the constitution and every article of the constitution is contradictory. Article 19 says every citizen has the right to freedom of speech. No religious minority has any freedom of speech. Art 20a says every citizen has the right to practice his religion. Art 9 says no person shall be deprived of life. Art 10a says in any criminal charge, a person shall be entitled to a fair trial. Asia Bibi still sits on death row. Art 14 says no person shall be subjected to torture for the purpose of extracting evidence, yet the police torture the suspects in order to do exactly that. There are so many other articles which are contradicting each other and still this constitution just serves as a weapon against the minorities and innocent people.

Religious intolerance – Most of the minorities including Christians, Hindus, atheists, Ahmadis and Shias have been subject to religious persecution with maulvis declaring on social and printed media that they should all be condemned and spewing hatred against them. This has not only resulted in publicly ostracizing religious minorities but has also led to target killings, rapes, murders and kidnappings. Even various sects of Sunnis are always fighting with each other, declaring the other non-Muslim or Wajib ul Qatal.

Women rights – Even though, in recent years, women have been allowed to go out and get education and go for jobs to earn livelihoods, in most of the rural areas, basic women rights are still being denied. Women are not allowed to read or write, their men saying that they are supposed to stay at home and make food and look after the house. They are not allowed to work being given the excuse that they are not supposed to be the one working. They are not given freedom of speech. They are looked at more as an object rather than a human being.

Politicians – I think all of us would agree here that most, if not all, of our politicians are more inclined towards power and money and success rather than working for the welfare of our country. Zardari, Nawaz Sharif, Shahbaz Sharif, Bhutto, Zia, all worked for their own personal success, and nothing was done to help the country prosper. Which is why the country is usually in debt and our ties to other countries are not as strong as they should be.

Load shedding – When I was a kid, believe it or not, there was little or no load shedding at all. Now, 20 years later, there is no light in Islamabad for 12-13 hours, while in Lahore, Faislabad and other cities of Punjab, there is unannounced load shedding for up to 5-7 hours. In small towns and villages, there is no light all day or for up to 20 hours. Factories have been forced to close down because of power outages. People have been dying of heat strokes. Shops have been closed. People are restless, and even their protests are not doing anyone any good since the power outages remain. In Ramadan, it was promised that no load shedding would occur during Sehri, Iftar and Taraweeh times but even that promise was not fulfilled

Police force – Pakistan has a very good police force, by the Grace of Allah, but a lot of them are very corrupt and can easily be bribed to change their statements. I have heard of so many cases where the police were bribed to give a completely different statement in a court case. There are also cases where they found girls going somewhere at night, and they would ask them for money, or if they did not have money, they would rape them. Gang rapes have been heard of in many areas of Pakistan, by the police force.

Domestic Violence – Pakistan is becoming increasingly prone to domestic violence and suicides. There have been murders on very petty disputes. There have been honor killings if a girl has a cell phone or if she is “thought” to have an affair, or even if she was raped. Men beat their wives, eventually killing them over petty disputes, related to money or relatives or children. And then there are the suicides. A boy killed himself because his girlfriend broke up with him. A man killed himself because he lost his job. A man killed his family and then committed suicide, in a moment of frustration. A man amputated his wife’s legs because of a fight. An argument between a husband and wife caused them both to separately commit suicide.

The men and their stares – Men in Pakistan are most known for staring at women. They stare like they have Xray vision and they don’t even bother looking away when you’re staring back at them. They will keep staring at you till you’re out of sight and their stare is so disrespectful, it’s disgusting to even imagine what might be going through their minds.

There are so many more issues, our outdated education system is also a major problem. Children nowadays are being taught the same thing that children of the 1990s were taught. The books are outdates, the teachers are not experienced, and the school environment is not child-friendly. That is why so many children detest going to school, or prefer to drop out and work instead of learning to read and write. Then, there is the problem of people in the rural areas being paid Rs. 300-400 barely a day, which is not enough to feed a family, let alone pay the high taxes that the government has imposed on them. Most of them starve in order to feed their children, eventually dying because of malnutrition and starvation. Pensions given to elders of the society are also not enough to survive a fortnight, let alone a month.

We, as a nation, lack sensitivity. When people die, to us, it has just become stats and number. We see 100 people dying in a blast. And we think oh 100 people died, that must have been a huge one. But we do not realize that 100 people lost someone they loved. We do not realize that their houses will now feel a huge absence. And a lot of times the people they lose are their source of income and food. We have just started thinking about ourselves. As long as we are okay, it doesn’t matter at all who else is dying. Better them than us.

There are a lot of negative issues in Pakistan. I agree. I have only mentioned a few of them. But that does not mean there aren’t any positive things in Pakistan. Tourism is still trending in Pakistan, we still have our northern areas to be proud of. We have our designers, actors, singers and models to be proud of who  have become a symbol for Pakistan and who are representing Pakistan in various other countries of the world. We have our symbols like Edhi, Mehdi Hassan, Arfa Siddiqui and so many others who are Pakistani and the whole world knows about them. We have such intelligent minds which if stayed in Pakistan would help in the prosperity of Pakistan. We have our TV shows to be proud of. We have our Desi food and culture to be proud of. We have our clothes, which are sent worldwide, to be proud of. We have a lot to be proud of. Needless to say, I love Pakistan from the core of my heart and I always will. I just want to create awareness about all the things that are presenting a bad image of Pakistan. Maybe with time, when they are rectified, Pakistan will be one of the best countries in the world. 

Story of a raped girl

Maryam is from an extremely poor family. Her father and her brother go to work every day but they only manage to bring back money barely enough for a day’s meal. She likes to study. She wants to grow up, and be educated, not just for the sake of it but to support her family as well. So, her father has taken a loan so that she can at least get basic education.

She has to walk to school every day. Every single day, while she passes through a certain neighborhood, she is scared for her life because of the looks that men from that area give her. Like they can see through her shawl and her covered head. Four of them are always whistling and smirking and making kissing noises when she is passing by shouting obscenities like – “hey, come here, sweets, show us your face and body, let us appreciate it” or “ I can’t wait to get my hands on you”. Every day she had to keep herself from running, or shouting at them.

But one day, she couldn’t take it anymore. When she passed through that area, and the people started saying vulgar things, she shouted out – “you guys are mean people. Allah is All-Watching, He will punish you for what you are doing to me, you deserve to rot in Hell” and ran away before any one of them could say anything.

Of course all the men were furious that a 16-year old girl had talked back to them, and furthermore, she had insulted their existence. All of them were bound to take revenge. And one day, they found their way.

One day, the girl was passing through that same neighborhood when those four guys came towards her from behind and put a black cloth on her head and before she knew what was going on, they picked her up and put her in a car and started driving. When she started screaming for help, they just kicked her so hard and beat her up so much that she blacked out.

She came to, hours later, and she realized that she was bleeding from her head and her hands and legs had bruises. She found herself in an unfamiliar, dark and murky room, with only one light bulb hanging from the center of the ceiling. She found herself tied to a chair tightly, and suddenly everything hit her like a rock. She had been kidnapped by the very people who had muttered obscenities while she passed through that neighborhood to get to school. She suddenly got very scared, wondering what they would do to her, wondering whether would get out alive.

While she was thinking, she heard a key rotating in the door’s lock, and the door opened slowly, and all the four men walked in. Their leader, the one with a long beard and evil eyes stepped forward and slapped her hard across the face and whispered in her eyes – “so you think we are all going to hell, you little slut?” She started crying and said “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please let me go.” The leader, Allahyar, says – “Oh it’s no use now, you whore, you’re going to be sorry you ever said anything to any one of us” and punched her hard in the stomach, which momentarily left her completely out of breath. And then he commands his three followers to start what they came here to do.

Allahyar takes his shirt off and suddenly Maryam realizes what he is about to do. And the horror settles in and she can’t stop screaming and crying, begging them not to do what they are about to do. Allahyar slaps her across the face and puts duct tape on her mouth to muffle her screams. He tears her clothes off and rapes her in a very inhumane way. When he is done, one by one, all the other three have their turn. She keeps hurting and bleeding, but now she is quiet. She doesn’t cry any more. She stares at the ceiling with a blank look on her face, waiting for all of this to be over. Some of the guys have left scratches on her face which bleed, some pulled at her hair, pulling out tufts of it. Some of them slapped her repeatedly, and she has bruises over all of her body. But she doesn’t say anything. She is numb now.

When all of them are done, they look at her in contempt and say – “well, that ought to teach you a lesson. Never ever insult us again, or next time you’ll be even more sorry than you are now. Oh and one more thing. If you ever even breathe a word of this to a single soul, we’ll make sure you die along with all the people you love. And you will be tortured to the most inhumane extent. So, beware.”

They took her back to where they had kidnapped her, and she started limping home, slowly, since she was hurting so much. In between, she even had to sit for a couple of minutes because she could not tolerate the pain any longer. She reached home late at night, with a worried family waiting for her. Seeing her all bruised and tired and in pain, her mother kept asking her what had happened to her. But she wouldn’t tell the truth. She just kept saying she got into a fight and then fell down, which was why she was injured and that she was tired and needed to sleep.

To this day, she has not mentioned of this to anyone. Maybe because she’s scared she’ll have to go through this again or maybe because she is scared that her loved ones are in danger if she speaks of it. Her life is a scarred one. Everywhere she looks, she sees those four guys looking at her and smirking at her. At night, even after so many years, she has nightmares of the day she got raped. But she will not tell anyone. She will take it with her to her grave.

Are you a Muslim?

Do you pray five times a day?

Do you fast for all 30 days during Ramazan?

Do you remember Allah in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow?

Do you recite the Quran every day?

Do you get into the meaning of the Quran?

Do you abide by the rules of the Quran?

Do you try to follow Sunnat and Ahadith, whenever possible?

Do you try to follow in the footsteps of the Holy Prophet (SAW)?

Do you do Nafl?

Do we decide to be good just for the month of Ramazan, or do we strive to be good throughout the year?

Do you give charity to the poor and the needy?

Are you kind to the widows and the orphans?

Do you give money to the beggars walking on the streets?

Do you always make sure you never hurt anyone by your hand or your tongue?

Do you promote peace or hatred?

Do you believe in the rewards and punishment on the Day of Judgement?

Do you intend to prepare for it now or when you’re on your deathbed?

Do you respect your parents?

Do you respect your elders, and love those who are younger than you?

Do you spend your money foolishly?

Do you respect human life?

Do you promote hatred, war and terrorism?

When you make a promise, do you keep your word, or break it like it’s nothing?

Do you work for the greater good?

These are some of the questions I had when I was thinking along the lines of how a Muslim is defined. Or as this post’s title says – are you a Muslim? Because I realized that we might call ourselves Muslims, we might be staunch believes in the Oneness of Allah, and we might wage wars in the name of Islam, but if all the above answers are in the negative, then truly we do not have the right to call ourselves Muslims. They say in Urdu – woh toh bus naam ka Muslim hai (he’s just a Muslim by name, his acts say otherwise). Well I believe it is true. Because when I self-analyzed myself, I realized that I did not do half of the things that make me a Muslim. And if I’m not doing anything like that, then do I have the right to call myself a Muslim? Wouldn’t that just be hypocrisy? Which itself incurs Allah’s wrath more than anything.

Furthermore, it’s a very common practice that people would pray and fast and think they have served their purpose as Muslims. This is not true. Islam consists to two parts – Haqooq-ullah (Rights of Allah) and Haqooq-ul-Ibad (Rights of Men). Islam does not just finish at prayer, fasting and the yearly pilgrimage (Hajj). It goes on to working for the welfare of the society and taking care of parents, children, neighbors, relatives, the poor, the needy, the widows and orphans – everyone who needs it. And only when you have fulfilled the rights of men, is Allah pleased with you. A Muslim is not a Muslim without fulfilling the rights of his fellow human beings, as well.

It was mostly self-realization which hit me at 2 in the morning. And I just wanted to share it with everyone, so that everyone would realize this and they would strive to do everything, or at least try to do everything, that would make them bring them closer to Allah. This, in return, will result in Allah being pleased with them. And I believe, there is no greater reward, in this world and the Hereafter, which is better than Allah’s consent. And there is no greater reward that we should be striving for.

Malala's Day

On 9th October 2012, Malala Yusafzai was shot on the left side of her forehead by extremists. Two of her friends were also shot. Why was she shot? Because she believe in the right of education of every child, especially that of women and girls.
Yesterday, 12th July 2013, was when she delivered a speech in the UN on the rights of education for every child in this world. Here is her speech in case you have missed it :
Dear brothers and sisters, do remember one thing. Malala day is not my day. Today is the day of every woman, every boy and every girl who have raised their voice for their rights. There are hundreds of human rights activists and social workers who are not only speaking for human rights, but who are struggling to achieve their goals of education, peace and equality. Thousands of people have been killed by the terrorists and millions have been injured. I am just one of them.
So here I stand... one girl among many. I speak – not for myself, but for all girls and boys. I raise up my voice – not so that I can shout, but so that those without a voice can be heard.Those who have fought for their rights Their right to live in peace.Their right to be treated with dignity.Their right to equality of opportunity.Their right to be educated.
Dear Friends, on the 9th of October 2012, the Taliban shot me on the left side of my forehead. They shot my friends too. They thought that the bullets would silence us. But they failed. And then, out of that silence came, thousands of voices. The terrorists thought that they would change our aims and stop our ambitions but nothing changed in my life except this: Weakness, fear and hopelessness died. Strength, power and courage was born. I am the same Malala. My ambitions are the same. My hopes are the same. My dreams are the same.
Dear sisters and brothers, I am not against anyone. Neither am I here to speak in terms of personal revenge against the Taliban or any other terrorists group. I am here to speak up for the right of education of every child. I want education for the sons and the daughters of all the extremists especially the Taliban.
I do not even hate the Talib who shot me. Even if there is a gun in my hand and he stands in front of me. I would not shoot him. This is the compassion that I have learnt from Muhammad-the prophet of mercy, Jesus Christ and Lord Buddha.
This is the legacy of change that I have inherited from Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela and Muhammad Ali Jinnah. This is the philosophy of non-violence that I have learnt from Gandhi Jee, Bacha Khan and Mother Teresa. And this is the forgiveness that I have learnt from my mother and father. This is what my soul is telling me, be peaceful and love everyone.
Dear sisters and brothers, we realise the importance of light when we see darkness. We realise the importance of our voice when we are silenced. In the same way, when we were in Swat, the north of Pakistan, we realised the importance of pens and books when we saw the guns.
The wise saying, “The pen is mightier than sword” was true. The extremists are afraid of books and pens. The power of education frightens them. They are afraid of women. The power of the voice of women frightens them. And that is why they killed 14 innocent medical students in the recent attack in Quetta. And that is why they killed many female teachers and polio workers in Khyber Pakhtunkhwa and FATA. That is why they are blasting schools every day. Because they were and they are afraid of change, afraid of the equality that we will bring into our society.
I remember that there was a boy in our school who was asked by a journalist, “Why are the Taliban against education?” He answered very simply. By pointing to his book he said, “A Talib doesn't know what is written inside this book.”
They think that God is a tiny, little conservative being who would send girls to the hell just because of going to school. The terrorists are misusing the name of Islam and Pashtun society for their own personal benefits. Pakistan is peace-loving democratic country. Pashtuns want education for their daughters and sons. And Islam is a religion of peace, humanity and brotherhood. Islam says that it is not only each child's right to get education, rather it is their duty and responsibility.
Honourable Secretary General, peace is necessary for education. In many parts of the world especially Pakistan and Afghanistan; terrorism, wars and conflicts stop children to go to their schools. We are really tired of these wars. Women and children are suffering in many parts of the world in many ways. In India, innocent and poor children are victims of child labour. Many schools have been destroyed in Nigeria. People in Afghanistan have been affected by the hurdles of extremism for decades. Young girls have to do domestic child labour and are forced to get married at early age. Poverty, ignorance, injustice, racism and the deprivation of basic rights are the main problems faced by both men and women.
Dear fellows, today I am focusing on women's rights and girls' education because they are suffering the most. There was a time when women social activists asked men to stand up for their rights. But, this time, we will do it by ourselves. I am not telling men to step away from speaking for women's rights rather I am focusing on women to be independent to fight for themselves.
Dear sisters and brothers, now it's time to speak up. So today, we call upon the world leaders to change their strategic policies in favour of peace and prosperity. We call upon the world leaders that all the peace deals must protect women and children's rights. A deal that goes against the dignity of women and their rights is unacceptable. We call upon all governments to ensure free compulsory education for every child all over the world. We call upon all governments to fight against terrorism and violence, to protect children from brutality and harm. We call upon the developed nations to support the expansion of educational opportunities for girls in the developing world. We call upon all communities to be tolerant – to reject prejudice based on cast, creed, sect, religion or gender. To ensure freedom and equality for women so that they can flourish. We cannot all succeed when half of us are held back.We call upon our sisters around the world to be brave – to embrace the strength within themselves and realise their full potential.
Dear brothers and sisters, we want schools and education for every child's bright future. We will continue our journey to our destination of peace and education for everyone. No one can stop us. We will speak for our rights and we will bring change through our voice. We must believe in the power and the strength of our words. Our words can change the world.
Because we are all together, united for the cause of education. And if we want to achieve our goal, then let us empower ourselves with the weapon of knowledge and let us shield ourselves with unity and togetherness.
Dear brothers and sisters, we must not forget that millions of people are suffering from poverty, injustice and ignorance. We must not forget that millions of children are out of schools. We must not forget that our sisters and brothers are waiting for a bright peaceful future.
So let us wage a global struggle against illiteracy, poverty and terrorism and let us pick up our books and pens. They are our most powerful weapons.
One child, one teacher, one pen and one book can change the world.
Education is the only solution. Education First.

It was a speech written by a 16-year old and it was beautifully written. I must admire her courage because noone gets shot in the head by extremists, lives to tell the tale and then create awareness in front of the whole world. I admire her strength for being able to put aside her fears and talk about women rights and tell the world that women don't need men to stand up for them anymore; they are independent enough to stand up for their own rights now. While this is a huge achievement for women all around the world, this is also a wake up call. This is a wake up call for all those women, who stand behind men, who expect men to do all their work, who sit at home because they are too weak to fight and stand up for education and earn money for themselves. Those women, they are ones who need to have faith in themselves and who need to stand up and say - It is my right to be equal to men. It is my right to receive education. It is my right to live.
There are so many women in Pakistan, and all over the world, who don't believe in equality and education. They believe in marriages at  the age of 15-16 (an age when even high school isn't over). They believe education and going out into the world is for men. Women are supposed to stay home and make food for their men, tend to their children and look after the household. To these women, I speak - you need to stop undermining yourselves. You need to realise that your soul and your mind is equal to men. You need to get up, and you need to go out into the world as men's equal. You need to step into  the world, confident, bold and daring. Your children need education as well. Your boys and your girls. Don't deny them that right. Don't deny YOURSELF that right.
Education is the right of every human, man or woman. Education is how we learn. How we become civilized. How we know the difference between a pen and a sword. Education is how we truly know who we are and what our purpose is. Malala was right - the Taliban and the extremists are scared. They are scared that when every child in this world is educated, they will know that peace is the solution to all the problems, not guns and murders. They will know that the extremists have been teaching  the wrong Islam. They will know that it is the Taliban who should be taught a lesson, not the innocent people being killed everyday. And that is why they are afraid. They are afraid that their monopoly in this game of power and ruling will be over. Most of all, they are afraid of the women who will stand up for their rights as equals (something the extremists can never be able to tolerate).
Today, Malala is an inspiration for all the women around the world. Yesterday #Malala was the hottest trend. But when I started scrolling through it, I found a couple of tweets against Malala, saying she just did all this to settle herself and her family abroad, or that she is just saying fancy words in front of the UN. To them I say - her fancy words are bringing awareness. Her fancy words are making people think and her fancy words will bring about gender equality and educational rights. And to people who think she's just doing it all for fame, I ask you this - does any of you like getting shot in the head for fame? Does any of you like putting your family in danger just to gain popularity? No. Well neither did she. She was just a girl who was a victim of extremism and has chosen to be brave and spread awareness instead of hiding in her home, like any of us would have done. She is truly a symbol of strength, bravery and hope.
I hope all the women in the world, and especially in Pakistan, learned something from her speech and will stand up for themselves and for all the women, and will strive for education under all circumstances.

Ramazan is coming!!

So, the Holy Month of Ramazan is coming up. And yes, Microsoft Word does not believe in these spellings of Ramazan. Or Ramadan for that matter. Wait. It does believe in Ramadan. End of discussion. So please stop arguing about this now. It’s a very petty argument.

Anyway, I was saying that Ramazan is coming up and even though people are scared about how they will fast in this prickling heat and humidity with such long hours of loadshedding, there is a general enthusiasm for the coming of Ramazan. People have already become a little bit spiritual; not lying, not smoking or drinking, not doing anything bad, trying to pray five times a day, and reciting the Quran. Some are even trying to read its translation, to get into the true meaning of the Quran. People have goals for Ramazan. To be honest, to come closer to Allah, to be a better person as a whole.

All around me, in my family, in my social circle, at my workplace, there’s a hype – Ramazan is coming. The month, in which all vices and sins are removed, the month in which it’s possible to gain as many “sawaab” (reward) as a person possibly can. Ask for Allah’s mercy, ask for His forgiveness, be His humble servant.

All of this is good; I mean, we, as Muslims, should probably be doing all of this, anyway. Why Ramazan then? Why is it a culture now to be impossibly good in Ramazan, to do every possible thing that pleases Allah for 30 days, and then as soon as Eid arrives, we just forget every single thing? I’ve heard of cases where people have gotten drunk on Eid, or are getting high, or didn’t even bother going to Eid prayers. What is the purpose of Ramazan if your soul is just purified for 30 days, and then you are back to all the vices you were already subject to? What is the purpose of Ramazan when you only decide to be good for a month and then decide to be horrible and unkind throughout the year? Isn’t that considered hypocrisy?

It goes on. Lots of maulvis, religious scholars, even actresses, designers and models (hint – Veena Malik, and Maria B) are airing their own shows, relating to Ramazan. They’re talking about religious issues, Quran sermons (Dars) and so on and so forth. The women are wearing dupattas over their heads. The morning shows are very humbly aired, with usually no music in the background, talking about the blessings of Ramazan. As soon as the moon of Shawwal is sighted, music starts blaring everywhere, the women anchors and all the women hosting their shows take off their dupattas and start wearing sleeveless dresses. What is the point of all this? What is the point of pretending to wear a dupatta in Ramazan, since it’s a Holy month, and taking it off and wearing clothes which reveal your body, for the whole year. Personally, I don’t have any issues with how any one dresses oneself; it is all up to them. But I don’t like when a person pretends to be all holy for one month, and then just stops for the rest of the year, thinking that 30 days in a year is enough time to be good. I mean seriously.

Then there’s another scenario; be nice during the period you’re fasting, and as soon as you break the fast, you’re lying and cheating and stealing and doing everything that you should not be doing anyway. So was the whole spirituality period just from Fajr (morning prayers) to Maghrib (evening prayers)? That should not be how a roza (fast) is kept. Allah is ever-Watching and He sees everything.

The holy month of Ramazan starts tomorrow in Pakistan. I know we’ve all decided to be at our best, for Allah is ever-Forgiving this month. However, on the other hand, we must also vow, to keep being good. We must vow to pray five times a day, to recite the Holy Quran every single day. We must promise ourselves that we will not lie, or cheat, or backbite, or hurt someone through our tongue or our hands, or in any other way possible. We will not spread hatred. We will only spread love. We will not indulge in any bad activities. We will instead help the poor, the needy, the orphans and the widows. We will make peace. We will control our urges, our anger, and our tantrums. And we will do our personal best to be a better person, not just for ourselves, but for the world to see as well. It is only then, that the spirit of Ramazan is truly fulfilled. It is only then that fasting in the name of Allah counts. Otherwise, Allah has no use for your fast if you don’t eat or drink for 12-17 hours.

Here I would like to mention another thing. Allah asks Muslims to fast because he wants them to realize how hard it is for the poor and the needy, for well off people to be thankful for what they have and be grateful at the time of iftaar, and to break the fast with humbleness and simplicity. I think all of you would agree here that as soon as the sound of Azan is heard, a lot of people don’t even bother reciting the prayer for iftaar, and rush to the food. They’re literally stuffing pakoras in their mouths, making mountains on their plates of deliciously lavish foods. The whole purpose of Ramazan is to be grateful for what you have, to be humble, and meek, and modest. To not spend foolishly and to not indulge in gluttony. But I think most of us, rather all of us, forget that as soon as we see food on the table at iftaar time.

Last but not the least; I would like to say that I’m not playing a blame game here. I’m not saying that everyone is sinful and I’m the only righteous person alive. I’m dead sure I’m not, and I have my own set of flaws. But if all of us, me included, could just intend on keeping our virtues after Ramazan, maybe all of us would be much content and happier, and much more loved by Allah. After all, actions are judged by the intention behind them.

I hope and pray that Allah gives us all the guidance and the strength to be the kind of people who are loved and protected by Him, and who He considers to be the true Muslims. I also pray that we are able to retain all the good things we learn during this Ramazan and all the others to come, and that an aura of spirituality always hangs around each and every one of us until the day we die. Amen.

Maybe the wounds never heal

It all started with a beautiful day in October, 2004. It was evening and I was home alone. I was waiting for my mother and Dadi to get back from an acquaintance’s place. Suddenly, I heard an urgent knock on the door. I went out to see my father there, desperately asking me to open the door. I opened it and he rushed inside, telling me he had severe back pain and that he was going upstairs to his room. I didn’t give it much thought and went back to my own room, since I wasn’t feeling well myself. After 5-10 minutes, I heard a car in the driveway, and went outside to see my mother and Dadi hurrying up towards the house. Apparently, my father called my mother to come home immediately as he wasn’t feeling well.

I followed my mum upstairs, to see my dad in a lot of pain and we couldn’t realize, for the life of us, what had happened to him. My mother called a hospital and got an emergency appointment with the doctor, but even that was after two hours. So, for then, we couldn’t do anything except wait and hope for the situation to get better. My mum asked me to call up my nani, and my two uncles to tell them that my dad is not feeling well and to come to our home. I called my nani, only to find out that she was busy praying. I called one of my uncles, and he was out on a walk. I called my other uncle, and his son told me that he wasn’t home either but that he would deliver my message as soon as he got home. Now after so many years, when I think about it, I realize that this was sign from Allah, no one available, no one picking up, and everything in order for the angels to pick up the one of the handsome souls, and present them to Allah.

My mum was sitting with my dad, who was lying down, and I was outside their room, because I couldn’t see my father with such a painful expression on his face. My mum suddenly started saying the Kalima out loud, in a very desperate voice. I ran to the room, to see tears rolling down my mum’s face, and I could see my dad’s eyes closing by themselves. Suddenly, my mum, noticing me, asked me to get a glass of water for my dad. I rushed to get it for him and slowly, one sip at a time, gave it to him to drink. Momentarily, he felt better, but he kept saying, he felt something felt stuck in his chest, like a huge burp which you can’t get out. Seeing that he was feeling a little better, my mum rushed out of the house and to the nearby market, to get out family doctor. And as usual, I went out of the room, since I couldn’t see the pained face.

By that time, my Dadi had also shown her strength and climbed upstairs and walked into my dad’s room. Within minutes, my mum was back with the doctor and all of us rushed into the room, me standing by the door, while the doctor and my mother rushed near my father, whose eyes were now completely closed. The doctor checked my father’s pulse, looked up, and said in a very grave voice – “There is no pulse. He’s dead.”

I looked at my mother, in disbelief, thinking it might be some sort of sick joke that the doctor was playing on us, or maybe that my father was in on it, too. We kept looking, until we realized that he wasn’t lying. That, my father, had indeed passed away, because of a major heart attack. But how was that possible? My dad had always taken care of his health and cholesterol levels. How was it even possible?

A few days later, I heard someone asking a doctor relative whether my father would have survived had he went straight to the doctor, instead of coming home. The doctor said yes, he might have, because he would have immediately been admitted for treatment. Hearing this, I got even more subdued that I was, even then, and went to a close cousin of mine, telling her everything I’d overheard. She put my head in her lap, and told me that when Allah decides the fate of a person, no matter who he is, it is written. And it is carried out the way Allah wants it to be carried out. That my father could have travelled to the other side of the world, but if Allah decided that my dad is better off in the Heavens above, than no human, place or time can prevent it.

It’s been nine years, nine long years, but to this day, I somehow blame myself. If I had known better, if I had responded quicker, if I had known what to do, maybe my dad would still be with us; maybe I would have gotten more time to spend with him. I know it’s not my fault, it was Allah’s decision. But the heart thinks what the heart thinks.

People say it gets better with time. They say time heals all wounds. They say the wounds heal but the scars remain. But I beg to differ. I think the wounds are as fresh as they were nine years ago. I believe that there are no such scars to speak of, because the wounds have not healed, and I don’t think they ever will. I believe that his memory and the event of his death will be as fresh in my mind as it was on 12^th October, 2004. I also believe that every day, I carry a regret inside me, a guilt of taking him for granted, for not spending enough time with him, for not knowing him as well I should have, for not being able to say goodbye, I love you and I’ll miss you, and a kiss on his cheek, before he left us forever. For just standing in the doorway, unable to move or do anything to save him.

I still have dreams about him. Dreams in which he talks and laughs and we’re all a family again. Dreams in which he advises me on what to do and what not to. Dreams in which he tells me he loves me and he’s watching over me. Dreams, which are actually memories of the past, but they are repeating themselves in my sleep. And then I wake up and the harsh reality starts to sink in. Those days seem to be good and horrible at the same time. Good because I saw my dad in a dream, maybe for a short while, but I was able to picture his face and remember his voice, all the same. Horrible because when I wake up, I realize that it was just a dream, and my dad is gone. Forever. Forever seems long when you measure it that way. I just hope someday I’m able to overcome this pain, this terrible sadness that has become a part of my personality. I hope I’m able to make my father proud. I hope wherever he is, he’s looking down at me and smiling. I hope that he’s still watching over me in spirit like he used to watch over me when I was a kid. I have so much more to say but there’s just one thing I’ll say – I love you, Dad. I miss you from the core of my heart and I hope you’re always happy, no matter what. Love you.